I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
