We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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