You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
