my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
