I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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