maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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