I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
