Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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