bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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