Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
