my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
