take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
