i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
