They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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