I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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