I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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