on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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