When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
