Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
