i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
