well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
