You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
