new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
