you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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