Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
