remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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