this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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