my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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