He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
