I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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