remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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