Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
