He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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