remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
