low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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