so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
