got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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