At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
