My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
