New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
