The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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