I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
