Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
