So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
