FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
