Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
