Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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