Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
