I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
