you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
