Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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