No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
