super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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