I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
