just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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