Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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